fanghemsley

Hee Isaac learnt how to say mama on wednesday... now his new game is to follow mama wherever i go.. and he will mama along the way.. which is very funny... played with him the whole day on wed and half a day on thurs... today cant really play much with him as it was granny day with him.. thank God also as i had diarrhoea for the WHOLE DAY!!! feel quite sian as i was anticipating to spend time with Jon.. end up spend more time in toilet than with him lo! :(
but oh well! this morning Isaac also wake up early at 6.30.. so fed him milk liao, i washed up and stroll him to walk walk ard the neighbourhood and at the same time can talk to God also.. kill two birds with one stone.. it was very nice to take a nice long walk and chat with God in my very "zing" mood... then had a cuppa coffee and toast near my place.. then later part of the morning was the sick period all the way till now.. cant really move much cos tummy still feels uncomfortable..
really find that Isaac grown up so much liao and it is just so exciting to see every path of his life being formed and how God will lead him... and us too as a family! :)
yay bangkok trip soon next week! hope i will have a fun time.. objective is to shop and spend time with my family.. hee hee... God help me to scan for bargain k? Thank you You!

Phew finally a nice break i am looking forward to after the hectic months of different stuff.. juggling work, family and friends are never easy.. i miss the times i am on maternity leave and that i can take Isaac out wherever i am.. i miss the times i can spend with Jon too... and i miss the chionging like mad part working.. but all these i gotta prioritize as i only have 24hrs and a breather i need to take at times..
it wasnt that easy these few months now that i am back at work... a different feeling and emotions that i am getting.. i miss God more than ever lately too.. i feel that i didnt get to spend that much time with God too.. i feel like i am missing out on the things He had wanted to say to me or time spent.. i wanna know more.. i wanna hear more and be able to feel... to be able to love and not be weary..
sometimes i wish i had 48hrs a day.. where i can do so much more.. learning to manage.. its a skill i find..
i feel tired most times and do struggle to even be alive at times i think.. haha.. i am enjoying it and thinking how God manage His time table.. haha..
Isaac is growing bigger each day... am so impressed by the milestones that he had taken.. from the first step of smiling to eating cereal to sitting and crawling... then now learning to stand... he reach his milestones fast except calling mama part.. grrrrr..
Jon' bday is next week so will be going for a holiday to Bali! then a few days spend with Isaac and some for my personal solitude.. it helps to keep me in line and know that i do not focus so much on everything except him..
pastoral and ministry staff are all going on virtual so i gotta clear all the stuff by mid Nov!!! it's crazy cos i got so many things on my plate.. arghhh!!! thank God i manage to clear stuff at church.. only left office! gambate!!!!!!!
ok time to talk to jon liao.. hehe!

its amazing to have my little bundle of joy being cuddled in my arms.. i could still remember the 1st time when i hold Isaac in my arms.. it was the most amazing moment though a tiring one after 14 hours of labour.. but it was all worth it.. i could see the joy of Jon's face which is something that will stay with me.. the joy of being a parent.. though it comes with so much responsibility and stress, it is no doubt the most beautiful role that God had given to us.. i still remember telling jon that the moment when Isaac is given to us, the 1st thing i wanna do is not to breastfeed him but to commit Isaac to God.. to pray out his destiny and the promises that God had said in His word.. praying that he will be a man after the heart of God.. to have personal encounters with God n knowinng that what God had destined is good..
i do face quite a few challenges when i head to my parents place for confinement.. it was emotionally and mentally draining.. but i was reminded to commit all my burdens to Him.. i had to constantly remind myself that so that i will not give up.. 1st week was really tough.. even physically as i was recuperating and with Isaac being in the bililight machine was so heart piercing for me.. thank God Jon really supported and hang in there with me.. Dr Tan had been a great support to me and every time seeing her makes me feel so relieved and happy.. i thnak God for ppl ard me who constantly sms and call to make sure i am ok.. even my family.. though there are times they are not so positive in there mannerism, i know that they meant all these for good intentions.. i see the joy from my parents when they carry Isaac and i know they love him a lot.. Isaac had brought immense joy esp to my mum.. she is always so happy to talk, bath and carry him... he brings healing to her weary soul of all that she had to shoulder for so long.. and i thank God for a gem like Isaac...
he had also been a very easy baby to look after but i just feel so stress when he crys.. but most of the times he cry is just that he is hungry.. yesterday i was so stressed cos he couldnt sleep and cry the moment he was put down at the moses basket.. then my mum realise that he had lots of wind in his tummy.. so jon and i went to buy ridwind to relieve the gas.. but i was so sad cos my poor little one never slept from 1-8... normally he would sleep during this period exceot for feeding times.. but thank God today he is ok and happily sleeping at his cute moses basket..
reading the power of a praying parent also remind me to pray fervently for my son.. that i do not have to be a perfect parent but a praying parent and to work in partnership with God.. that i can cast my burden to Him..
Thank You Lord for the eventful 2weeks plus so far.. this sunday i will be heading home with little one.. its good to go home too even though it seem a bit scary for me being alone to handle Isaac when Jon goes to work... but He can strengthen me so i will trust...

Times flies like nobody's business seriously.. i've turned 27 liao and yes a few more weeks and i'm officially going to be a mummy!! i have been so blessed throughout my pregnancy. i can only thank God for his faithfulness and him watching over every moment of my life.. i dun know how motherhood is going to be like.. a bit scared for sure as i wanna give my best to my son.. now i am going every 2 weeks to see my gynae.. every visit always gives me a reason to smile and thank God for all that He had done.. now the topic a lot of ppl ask me is when am i gonna due.. i wish it is ard 38weeks that period la.. just nice for me to hand over my stuff and being able to relax a while before i become a mummy...
Jon had been a great support and being so understanding.. i am just thankful for the times when i am down, he is able to just provide a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on when i feel tired.. it helps me a lot especially during the Dec season when everything just zoom by me and physically just felt so challenged..
now i do feel the strain more due to the ever expanding tummy for the moment.. baby is growing real fast lately which kinda shock me also.. my back is feeling the stretch.. therefore i cant be that mobile as like last few months... i wonder how some mums are able to handle that kinda weight.. esp those that i see who have such a big tummy!
i wonder if i will miss working a not.. it's been forever since i never work... the only period i stop working was when i was 15 till 16... i remember i was bored out of my mind.. being on 4 months maternity leave seems forever to me.. and i do ask myself if i will feel that i am losing out on a lot of things while i am away a not.. or will it be like i dun wanna go back to work liao kinda mentality.. i really dun know... hope i can cope and manage well while i am on leave... but i definitely wanna be at the school of prophets conference.. sound so exciting!!
i guess the only thing i worry a lot is financially how i can cope.. with baby coming along, i dunno how everything is gonna be affected.. i do feel a bit sian that i cant give as much to my parents as last time.. but i just gotta continue to trust God that He is going to provide as how people had prophesied over me.. and not worry so much... guess sometimes i think too much and my brain just cannot stop processing certain nights.. it gets worse when i am very tired.. it was quite bad during one Tues night that i couldnt sleep the whole night.. my mind went thru like a bullet train till 8a.m.. it was just crazy.. i thank God that all is fine now.... just have to tell myself to relax... the sinus definitely didnt help as it cause difficulty in breathing.. thank God i am healed... if not i sure very sian..
but yes Lord.. help me to focus on You and place You first even though i'm excited preparing to be a mummy.. but i know that i cant go away from my First Love.. help me and guide me Lord.. but i really thank You that you have grant the heart of my desire.. to learn to love and to be able to know what it means to love unconditionally.. but i know it can never replace what You had given...thank You! :)

Oh man... here goes another sleepness night for me. I cant sleep beyond 6hrs now.. grrrrr.. i try so hard to make myself fall asleep but i cant...maybe excited for the gynae visit tomorrow also.. so fast... Josh and Sharon's baby come out liao... i'm happy for them!!! i am gonna see Shannon tomorrow!!
maybe i'm also having mixed feelings now.. in less than 3 months time, i will also be carrying baby Isaac on my arms for the 1st time... seem so surreal and find it hard to believe.. i wanna see Isaac and i also know it comes a lot of responsibilities and commitments.. there are so many days where i will be like i wanna see him now... there are slight moments when i am like gasp can i be a good mum to him? i thank God that Jon had been so supportive to me.. it helps me to carry on strong when there are times i feel emotionally drained.. physically my pregnancy it didnt hit me hard at all... but there's this week where emotionally i was just like drained.. i dunno how to say it but i thank God it was over.. God always see me thru and i know that i am well rested when i enter into HIs presence and just hide under His wings.. there are sacrifices to be made for baby thats for sure but i know at the end of it, i will enjoy it more than anything else..
to me, being a parent is beautiful... you learn to be selfless... you learn to give more you wanna receive for the child... you wanna provide and love so much more.. i always wonder how it feels like to be a parent of my own child.. when the bible says abt even the bad knows how to give good things to the child, how much more does Our Heavenly Father lavishes His love on us.. i wanna experience this kind of love.. and i know that much as i love Isaac, God still loves him much more than i do.. which is like so amazing.. AGAPE love.. this word i had not heard for a long time.. but yeah it reminds me of my first love..
i thank God for His providence in my life.. i know that Jon and i always have enough.. nothing less is cmpromised.. God always remind me and had people prophesid that He will provide all my needs.. and even my wants He satisfied.. i am always grateful for the Hong Kong trip i had been to.. I told God that i really want to go for a holiday before baby is born.. Jon and i were thinking of Bangkok then already but i was contemplating abt the cost involved as well.. now every cent is worth spending on child more than myself... only when it comes to bag is different.. hur hur... then Ps Derek announce abt the staff trip shortly after... i was really thankful and HK had always been a destination on my mind that i wanted to go to... i was like: Thank You God! i think i was one of the most excited staff there.. maybe a lot of them had been there before liao.. but for me, the excitment comes in most that i knew He heard me.. and i was sharing my desire with God and He just answers like that.. i had a great time spending time with Jon at HK.. it was fun and quality time spent there.. i manage to get very cheap vintage stuff and nice boots!! :) and also, i went to Disneyland which is also one of my goals that i wanna fulfill.. i wanna go to all Disneyland before i die.. but i think i edit a bit now.. before i hit 35!!! then i wanna think of a new goal liao.. keke.. but there are still many goals la.. this one is easier to accomplish cos money involved is not as damaging as the rest... haha!!!
but yeah gotta rest early if not baby will be tired also.. night night God and thank You for all that You had done for me this season.. ireally appreciate it even though there are times i wish for more.. but i know You always give me what i need and require.. xie xie ni! :)

Hee hee i get to see little BB on 28th Sept @2.30p.m... so cool.. i was really hoping to be able to see BB gender but i know there are those who only knew at 20th week onwards.. so i was trying to convince myself not to get my hopes up too high.. when i went to see Dr Kek, she asked me if i would like to know the BB gender.. i nod my head profusely and i guess she might tot i am a bit siao... hur hur.. jon was also excited.. i could see the body parts forming well.. it was so amazing.. can see heartbeat also.. baby showing us his hi 5 pose.. so funny... then came.. it's a baby boy... my gynae smiled happily and congratulate us... i was like wow.. i tot it is a boy too even before i knew the gender... no wonder they say mummy know best... can even predict so accurately... keke.. actually a lot of ppl tell me could be gal but i just dun think so lo... so i am right! seeing how God create this child in my womb gets me so excited and thankful all the time.. i would put my BB scan at my cupboard so i can see him before i go work or gai gai... when i see the scan today, i almost teared cos to me, Isaac is a wonderful creation.. and to me, he is a miracle child after what i had gone thru this season.. and i believe BB Isaac will bring laughter to ppl like what the name indicate also.. i could feel him move even as i type this.. maybe he know so he happy... hur hur..
well last week was really a busy week... tues to thurs was youth div planning so plan whole day.. but then also backside itchy cos play game with Vic till very late... ;p then fri morning got admin meeting liao... sat - sun was youth PEW.. this PEW i really feel so stoned the whole day... was really tiring cos must do admin, co-ordination and ministry.. so was just running ard... so tired... *bleah* alas then sunday noon came.. i was so happy lo. hur hur.. partly tired also cos fri night was at F1 rock concert... cos hubby wants me to accompany him and i also wanna spend time with him after the long week of being apart... it was fulfilling but ya good that i can rest till late before i go see Dr Kek.. oops got to sleep liao cos tomorrow long day again... night night God... :)

well it is another farewell... this time round is for Carol... it seems so fast and unbelievable even.. like one moment i see her, the next moment she is gone... hmmm feel kinda sad seriously... i couldnt cry la cos i normally dont.. but i do feel like my heart sink when she went in.. but i am very happy for her.. its like her dream come true.. and i pray that she will continue to draw close to God.. she had been such a blessing thats why there are so many ppl there.. her current cell and even her ex-cell members are there.. its the seed that she had sowed into the lives of so many.. thats impressive.. but yeah hope to see her in Dec..
went back with derrick, yong jin, davin and simon., alex drove us home and we all had a long good chat... gonna have lunch with them tomorrow.. well some  are shifting clusters liao so wont really see them much.. wa will really miss derrick, davin and ernie.. they are amazing.. i thank God that i can get to know them... samuel is going to alex cluster also.. he very cute.. he tapped my shoulder and was like i am going to be in different cluster with him.. i was sad la but i just tell him that it is a good change...
changes are good and they are to help to bring growth to the lives of others.. so yeah i will continue.. until i give birth... which is 5+months down the road... so scary but exciting... :)

and with all we have
with all we are
we have come far
to lift Your name on high
cos it's all abt You Jesus
It's all about You
Worthy God
We will never stop singing Your praise

it's amazing how God brings me to a point of always remembering his goodness.. when the times i get distracted or down, He brings me to a level of comfort... well i do feel sad that Carol is leaving this friday... but it is for good.. i thank God for answerin her dreams.. it's so beautiful when God release the dream to reality.. it's a time when she can step into a land where she desires... she dreams of going there to study.. it's amazing that when we fear and do not dare to dream, God brings us to a place where dreams unveil and is brought to reality.. i am glad and honoured i can be part of this journey...  i may not be always there for her but i am glad to know her... i believe all these that God had given to her is because she chose to honour God and put God first above all else.. God works best n always in the most amazing way.. new beginning new season.. i pray that God will guide her n lead her.. even though i will really miss her... :(

i prayed for my sister over msn earlier.. i think this is like the 1st or few times i did prayed for her... she was complaining of headache so i shared wih her on how COOS had been experiencing miracles.. so i tell her i will pray.. but her head still pain... but it's ok cos God will work in His own ways.. my family's salvation are very important to me and i hold that very dearly to my heart.. i always tell God that all will know Him one day.. i am anticipating for this day...

i am trying to stay awake half the time today and my memory is failing me... gosh!!! but yes i will pray that it will get better!!! good thing  is my complexion getting better!!! haha prayer works!!! suck all the pimples dry dry!!!! :D

oh man lately i am so sleepy again... dunno why also.. quite strange cos i am entering into my 2nd trimester but i dun feel so tired when i was in my 1st trimester at the later part... but happy thing is that besides the fatigue, i am not having other stuff except the pimples are popping out.. haha!! sec advance finishing soon so at least not so tiring... ppl kept getting me to list down the stuff i need for BB.. but i cant think of so much now... the only ones i can think of are:

1) Changing Mat
2) Bath Tub
3) Mattress for Cot/ Play Pen
4) Sheng Siong/ Ikea/ Taka/ Robinson Voucher
5) Cash

then no more liao wo.. cos a lot of things ppl are giving me and i dun wanna buy unneccesary stuff also... thank God my sis is giving me a stroller and a hundred other stuff... Chiong family are kindly passing me their stuff also.. so technically i am not lacking anything else excpet those above... unless i can think of more lo.. hmmm which i hope not too many stuff cos i am saving for hospital fee...

but yes above all these else, i am so happy awaiting for the birth of my BB that will be next year march.. i cant wait... keke.. even though i know will be more stressful la.. but it's like a dream come true after so long... i thank God for ppl around me who really care so much also.. i dun want to take for granted also.. someone made a comment saying that now is the best time to be pampered by ppl for the reason that i am pregnant.. but i dun like cos i dun wanna take ppl for granted or just get more attention and help just because i am pregnant.. ppl are concerned abt me because they love me and i dun wanna abuse that love that is given.. i wanna appreciate them just as how they had always treat me...

sometimes i do get quite emotional... not like i will cry or what... just feel sad or angry and will snap very fast at situations.. not at people la but will get frustrated inside of me.. its getting better liao so not so bad... Jon knows abt it even though i dun express it out but it helps me when i talk to him to describe the feeling i am experiencing inside of me...

i am very touched by his testimony on Thursday.. not that i never knew all these but when it comes in a package like this, i am like waaaa that one my husband... haha.. i thank God for all that he experienced and what i experienced as well.... i told God like for us as parents to be, we are already getting so much... i pray tat my children will experience more.. i pray everyday that my BB will love God and will be obedient to what God calls BB to do.. to be a channel of blessing, comfort, joy and love to people around.. to see and experience greater things that what we experience.. that the pair of hands will heal the people, will raise the dead and will comfort those who need love... i am excited and i dreamed that when we grew old, we will see how God had bless our children and how they will grow so much in Him.. thats all i ask.. i dun mind if our children dun have so much education all these... the most impt thing is to know who God made them to be and what they are called to do..
 

I am so happy whenever i go see my gynae.. i love going to her as she is nice and motherly.. she makes me feel safe and ya do advise me when i ask her stuff... i do appreciate also that Jon will always go with me when i go to the clinic.. it had become our fav outing on mondays!! i prefer to go on off day as it is too stressful to go on work days... i dun like the idea cos i think it's like skiving. keke... and i can relax and not rush back to work.. now BB is 5.61cm and growing healthy... i am reallly blessed with supportive ppl around me.. i never expect to get stuff from ppl at all.. was intending to buy them at a later stage but yeah my sis, deb and si min was very nice to offer stuff to me.. i did buy some BB stuff liao so yeah should be sufficient for the time being ba i guess... i am not sure what to get also.. LOL.. but yeah Jon and i are very excited and thinking how little BB will be like.. Jon had been reading the book of John to BB almost everyday.. i would listen to my IPOD so that BB can hear my fav worship songs... but lately i love christmas songs by Corrinne May.. keke.. i thank God for this little one that will birth out next year.. BB had bring a lot of comfort and joy to my family and me..
June wasn't the most fantastic month for me when i had 2 people i knew passed away.. first was my grandfather.. still remember i visited him on wed but he passed away on wed.. didnt expect him to pass away so fast maybe even though i know he was having cancer.. was struggling to go for non-christian funeral and having to make sure my mum is ok.. i stayed there most times.. 2nd was Charles who passed away just that sunday... i was still talking to him on sat.. Charles had been a great colleague and i like his attitude in work.. his wake was on Tues when my grandfather's funeral was on Tuesday as well... after going for my grandfather's funeral, i tot i will be ok to attend Charles' wake.. so i went in the evening... the moment i saw Charles' pic at the coffin, it dawn unto me that he really passed away.. i was shocked and lost i guess... like i felt people i knew leaving me just like that... i didnt know how to react for a moment.. i never felt like that before... it was worship session when they sang God will make a way.. i was tearing when i sang that song:

God will make a way
where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
hold me closely to His side
with love and strength
for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way

i fought with different thoughts that were going thru my mind that moment.. wanting to believe in His will and yet why are things suddenly going this way?

i cant stay anymore and told my hubby i wanna go home immediately.. i broke down the moment i leave the place... i had to stop for a while to catch my breath cos i was crying so badly.. i told my hubby i wanna walk home.. that's what i do when i am down and a way i talk to God.. i asked God why people are leaving me just like that?
God just replied:" as i take away lives, i do birthed out new live"

i didnt understand exactly as i just thought God meant life and death are just part and parcel of life...

one week later, i realise that i am pregnant.. then i knew what God meant when He told me while i was walking home...

i really thank God that this chiild is a one who bring comfort and will continue to do so.. i pray that Jon and i will be parents who willl teach BB what it meant to be a Christ lover, not just a church goer.. Lord, i thank You for all that You have done... even when i struggle, You never fail to bring the best for me.. Thank you for watching over my family and me.. :)